LOVE STORY?

Priyanka Sarkar

Left. Right. Oh, hard left. Right. Right. Right. Super swipe. Left.

Done with swiping for the day, Akash closed his Fumble app and went back to checking the proof corrections the freelance proofreader had marked. The work seemed to be ok, so after running some sample checks, he sent the pdf to the typesetter. He leaned back on the uncomfortable and rickety office swivel chair that had been supporting his weight for a year now. Time for his forty winks!

Unfortunately for him, just then , the department’s head barged into the hall meant for editors of academic books. Fortunately for him, she chose someone else to fire the first missives of the day at and her angry roars alerted Akash. He sat up and opened a long author mail, pretending to read it again.

‘Hey you, have you sent Sustainable Development and the Economy of India for printing?’ Veena stood behind him and demanded in her high-pitched voice that Akash thought banshees probably sounded like.

‘No, Ma’am. It has been sent to the typesetter with proof corrections.’

‘How many times have I told you to not call me Madam or Ma’am. You are not in college anymore and I sure as hell am not your teacher. Better pull up your socks and not delay the book on waste management like you have this one. And I want Sustainable Development sent to press by the end of the week. I don’t care if you have to work round the clock, just do it.’

Veena issued her order, turned around, and walked off to her next target. Akash didn’t care who it was as long as the harridan was out of HIS hair. It was Tuesday, so there was still hope that he’d be able to meet his new deadline. Veena had an awful habit of putting new editors on performance reviews. Two assistant editors were on it and he didn’t want to be next. He’ll show the bitch the stuff he is made of. Even if he had to put in a couple of all-nighters, it would be worth it. Now, if only he could blow off some steam, maybe get laid. Jerking off to porn just wasn’t cutting it any more. He needed to bang a hot chick.

His phone pinged. He picked it up to see there was a match on Fumble. His SuperSwipe, ‘S’, had liked him back. He did a fist pump when he got a message from her: Hey, let’s cut to the chase. Buzzinga@7? And you can call me Sugar.

Ooh, Eager Beaver! Thought Akash fantasized about her peroxide long blond hair laid out on the floor of his barsati, her pale skin shimmering with sweat, her blue-lensed dewy eyes closed in ecstasy and her red full lips around Little Akash. Just then, Tanya, who sat in the cubicle next to him got up to go to the loo and knocked his chair on the way out and Akash was jolted out of his daydream.

‘Fat fuck! Fat, ugly, stupid waste of real estate!’ Akash cursed Tanya under his breath. He hated fat and ugly people. He wondered why people like Tanya were put on earth when it could have just had more ‘chicks’ like Sugar. Hot, mysterious Sugar. Doesn’t even want to tell him her real name. Just wants to wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. Akash hadn’t been with many girls. Actually, just two and he had slept with the first one only once (she had wanted to get married right after losing her virginity and he had had to run from his native village in interior Haryana lest her parents force him to marry her! His father had been livid!)

‘You don’t muck around with girls from richer families of other castes! Don’t make the same mistake in Delhi. I won’t be able to save you there.’ Had been his father’s only decree while packing him off. Now, he wasn’t going to ask every girl about her family before he boned her but he’ll check if he ever met a girl he wanted to get serious about. There had been Savita, though their ‘scene’ hadn’t been serious, at least not for him. Pretty, older, married Savita. Savita of the low self-esteem. But she had become a bit boring of late, insisting on more foreplay and less ‘action’. And conversation! Ugh, who wants that when you can bonk! Clearly, he had helped her self-esteem but she was getting too many airs. He needed a change of scene and Sugar Darling would be just that.

‘Cool! See you @7 <3’

*

‘I am not fussy about food at all. As long as it has meat in it, I am good.’ Akash found himself trying to impress upon Sugar that he was an easy-going but career-oriented chap. Buzzinga was the coolest pub in CP, and was close to his office – her choice. He had wanted to tell her that he was an Editor and not a mere proofreader at his firm but remembered that all it would take is a quick Boogle and his InkedIn profile would spill the beans.

Well, can’t be blamed for it, can I, he thought to himself. She is the very definition of femme fatale with her teeny-tiny waist, long pink nails and long eyelashes that by themselves were enough to make him hard. He wanted this charade of drinks and dinner to be over quickly so that he could be on top of her, master her in every way.

Crap! That line of thought was not helping matters down there. Instead, he thought on the word ‘femme fatale’ and wondered how it would be pronounced. He had read the word in a lot of the ‘thrillers’ he was fond of reading but had never heard anyone say it, wonder why! He then remembered that Diven, his best friend in the city, hell, his only friend in the city had shown him that Google now reads out words to show how they can be pronounced. No more making weird aa-ee-oo faces while trying to figure it out or messing it up. Take that for a level-playing field, you big city wankers, Akash thought of the other editors with their ‘big city education’ and posh accents.

Right then, Sugar trilled, ‘So, you were telling me that your ultimate goal is to become the publisher of the company you work at. Why is that? I have heard from friends in the media that publishing isn’t faring too well in India. Why would you want to make a career in it? And that too an academic publisher?’ Sugar asked him after they got their order of margaritas, chilly chicken, and fried rice.

Akash took a bracing, long gulp from his cocktail, hoping he looked pensive rather than someone in need of liquid courage. Then, clearing his throat, he said, ‘Actually, it isn’t that publishing is in a bad shape per se because the market is bad. The real reason is that the right kind of books are not being picked up.’

‘Oh!’ Sugar looked suitably impressed and leaned in with her elbows straddling her plate the way he’d want to straddle her, her pretty face cupped by her dainty palms.

He couldn’t be getting hard again! He took another gulp from his drink. Sugar continued, ‘You are barely eating. Please help yourself to the chicken. It really is amazzzinggg. And please tell me more, this is fascinating. Do you think it is a management problem?’

Oh great! So, she is caring, attentive, and hot as hell! Akash thought. I have landed a goddess and now I have to find a way to keep her interested in me. So much pressure! The chicken feels like lead in my mouth. Let me wash it down with some of that sweet, sweet margarita.

‘Oh yeah, definitely a management problem. And why’d that be, you ask? It is because they have the wrong people heading the department. Our boss is a jerk, constantly berating her team. Nobody in the department wants to counter anything she says because even the senior editors feel that they can be fired at will.’

‘Does she own the company? How can she just fire people at whim?’

‘Oh, you don’t need to own the company when you own the boss. I don’t gossip in the office but I have heard that she is sleeping with the boss, which is why she doesn’t get fired despite poor sales.’

‘Really? Are you sure? I mean, this is quite damning.’

‘Well, I am not sure but a few senior editors had even complained about her to HR last year but nothing was ever done. Some of them even put in their papers.’ Akash drained his drink.

‘Oh gosh! I really hope you can become the boss soon so that you can bring about a real change in the department.’ Then putting her palm on his, Sugar said, ‘I am so glad there are bright and ambitious people like you out there.’ She wasn’t too sure about it but she didn’t mind the way Akash looked with his wheatish complexion, thick wavy hair on an otherwise hairless face. Decent build, no paunch – she noted. Average, can do. Unlike most of her earlier horrible dates.

Akash gave her a smile, feeling like the king of the world, ‘Well, thank you. Aren’t you sweet, just like your name.’

‘I am happy you think that. You are quite charming yourself.’

Their eyes met. Akash felt he could drown in those eyes, drown in her.

‘Why aren’t you eating anything, Sugar? You have barely touched the fried rice and only nibbled on the chilly chicken. The rice is quite nice, here try some more of it.’

‘No, honestly Akash, I am not all that hungry. I don’t eat much at night at any rate. But so kind and thoughtful of you. I’m hungrier for other things now.’

Akash could feel his neck getting warmer, the heat rising to his cheeks and the fist pumps in his head a mad frenzy.   

She leaned in and said, ‘Let’s go to yours. Mine is a bit far.’

Akash could only nod a yes.

They stepped out of the pub, hand in hand.

‘Where’s your car parked, hon?’ Sugar trilled.

‘Uh…umm…hmm…I don’t have a car.’

‘Oh, that’s ok. We can maybe book a Tuber or a Bola? I can’t walk much in these shoes.’ She tittered.

‘Oh, yes, ok. Actually, my app’s been hanging a bit. Not very good with tech. Man of words, you see. Could you maybe book one from your phone? I’ll pay in cash.’ Akash said cursing his luck.

‘No worries, at all.’ Sugar pulled out her phone, saw something on it and froze.

‘Hon, rain check? Bit of an emergency at home. I’ll book that cab for myself. Can you get home?’

*

‘Saala, tera toh solid KLPD ho gaya!’ An hour later, his friend Diven was telling him over beer and pizza at Akash’s home.

‘Haan. I really hope she calls back, yaar. She was the maal. I wanna do her so bad.’

‘I hope she does. Sounds like quite something, hot, exciting type. Would love to meet her.’

‘Keep it in your pants, chutiye. This one’s mine.’

‘Theek hai. After you?’

Akash laughed and said, ‘Yeah, you can only take leftovers,’ throwing a half-eaten pizza crumb at Diven.

*

‘I can’t believe anyone can be this careless! Twenty-five typos on the first 50 pages. What on earth am I paying you for if you can’t even fix something like this? Can your tiny brain even fathom what a prestigious book this is? Of course, it can’t, otherwise, you wouldn’t have messed it up so royally and that too when it is due to go for printing. Don’t just sit there gaping at me. I want you to very carefully comb through the proofs and make sure there isn’t a single typo. I want it on my desk by 10 tomorrow morning.’

‘But it’s 300 pages!’

‘I don’t care how you do it. Understood?’

Akash could only nod. He didn’t know how he could. It usually takes him an hour to read 5 pages. That would mean 60 uninterrupted hours of reading. Time he didn’t have. What do I do? He realized he’ll have to ‘scan read’ the damn pages and hope for the best. He could then manage 30 pages in an hour, so he’ll be done in 10 hours. Careful combing can go fuck itself. Then, he’ll have to get the corrections done with the freelance typesetter by 8.30 tonight. Then, read it again after getting the corrected file so that it was error free for Veena. And it was 10 already ! No time to waste. He kicked Tanya’s chair on his way to his from Veena’s cabin. Not like she’d feel it with her bulk, he mused. He felt calmer after the kick, though Tanya had noticed and glared at his back.

He read through the day, even ignoring the calls of his colleagues for lunch, only getting up to pee. He couldn’t afford to get fired from his first job. That would be too shameful. What would his father say? His mother always reminded him that he’d been born after many prayers and fasts at many temples and dargahs, after 10 girls. His two elder sisters were 25 and 24 years older than him. The rest had been miscarriages. He had to be the man, strong and resilient, like his father always told him to be. Squaring his shoulders, he got to work.

At exactly 8.00 A.M, Akash dictated the corrections to the typesetter and then as the typesetter was reformatting the files, he packed up and found an auto at the company’s gate. He had planned to stop at one of the kiosks for a veg sandwich but crashed as soon as he sat in the auto, waking up only when he reached his flat. He found a pack of Maggi noodles in his cupboard and by the time he finished eating it, his computer showed that the file was back from the typesetter.

He finished reading the file again only by 12.30 am. Whew! It was finally ready. He mailed it to Veena for a final review and checked his phone for the first time since his ‘chat’ with Veena in the morning. There were two missed calls from his mother and a message from Sugar sent around 7 – ‘Hi, Free2catch up 2day evening?’

He swore and texted her back – ‘Sorry babe, was very busy today, checked my phone just now. Very tired, gonna crash now. Are you free tomorrow?’

He went to sleep at 1 am after checking his phone. Sugar’s reply hadn’t come.

It didn’t come by 10 am either, when Akash found himself facing Veena in her office.

‘Well done indeed. I checked the files last night and again, early morning. Everything seemed to be in place, so I have sent it for printing on your behalf.’

‘Thank you, Veena.’ He wanted to growl at her, pull her hair, but kept his eyes and his voice low.

‘No need to thank. Ok, listen there’s something else. Since you have managed this one, there’s another fast-track project I need you to work on.’

Akash swore under his breath. He clearly couldn’t catch a break but there was nothing to be gained by arguing with her, so he simply nodded.

‘Now listen to me carefully. This has come through the sales department but I have fought hard with management for Editorial to have full control over it. Don’t mess this up or it might mean putting my neck on the line.’

Akash nodded slowly. He understood what Veena was NOT telling him. That if he messed up, she’ll make sure he becomes the scapegoat, not her. Feeling a bit stuck, he sat back in his chair and started matching the proof corrections of a different project.

His phone decided to lift his spirits. There was a message from Sugar. ‘Hi Babe, sorry. Ws bizzy wt smthn at hm. Wanna go2ths new pub wt a 60s vibe opp the Qtb?’

This was a godsend. He hoped Sugar got silly drunk today, that there’d be no new emergencies at home and then he could finally get lucky. He typed a quick yes. She sent him the location pin and they fixed the time – 7 pm.

Right when he was about to leave, he bumped into Tanya at the gate. He had been day-dreaming about Sugar, didn’t see her and fell.

‘Look where you are going, Tanya!’

‘You came in from behind me! I don’t have eyes on my back. But sorry,’ she said and bended to help him up.

‘Fucking Tuntun!’ He mumbled.

Tanya had heard him but was too ashamed at the thought that he was right, so she didn’t say anything. After all, she had been called that for most of her life. She straightened up and left. And then cried all the way home.

At exactly, 7 pm, Akash reached the spot to find Sugar waiting outside a warehouse with a signboard saying, ‘That 60s Vibe’.

‘Hi Babe, so good to see you.’ She fluttered her eyelashes at him.

He smiled back at her and mumbled a shy, ‘good to see you too’ and gave a peck on one rosy cheek.

‘So sorry Babe, but they seem to have an entry fee. Could you please take it? I seem to have left my wallet at home and my GPay is acting up.’ Sugar said, remembering her friend’s advice that you have get the man to ‘invest in you’ to keep him hooked and she had decided that she could do a lot worse than Akash.

Akash wasn’t sure what ‘acting up’ meant but smiled at her. It’s ok, she can pay me back in kind – he thought to himself slyly. There was a long line in front of the gate, so they joined it.

‘How was your day?’ Sugar asked brightly.

He told her about Veena’s new demand and his run-in with Tanya, and without waiting for Sugar’s response asked the usher what the entry fee was.

‘Two thousand per person.’

His eyes popped out. What’s so special here that a couple would shell out four thousand to enter!

‘Covers one snack and one cocktail.’

Ok, better. He exhaled.

The bareness of the warehouse was countered by the glitzy lights and electronica to which all the couples in were gyrating to.

The usher was clearly misinformed as the cover charge was not for one cocktail but a pitcher. Akash’s generosity seemed to have put Sugar in the right frame of mind as she grinded against him and swayed to the beats.

He toyed with her hair as they danced. At one point, he asked, ‘So, the other day, what was the family emergency?’

She smiled sweetly and said, ‘A family emergency.’ After a pause: ‘Or maybe I was playing hard to get?’ Her voice was husky as she said the last bit and pulled him to the centre of the dance floor. Akash groaned.

After about a couple of hours of grinding, he couldn’t take it anymore and asked Sugar if she’d like to leave.

Sugar just nodded. When they were outside, she softly whispered, ‘let’s go to mine? It’s closer.’

Heart thumping in anticipation, Akash called a Tuber after putting in the location.

*

VANILLA: They had an average night. Akash was too excited and Sugar too drunk. Neither had a condom, so Sugar insisted they only make out. He found out the morning after that her name was Sharvani. After about three months of dating and addressing a few intimacy issues on both sides, they got married. Veena’s project was successful, so successful that she leveraged it to get an MD’s position in a different company. Akash got promoted and they lived happily ever after. Or so it seemed.

Sugar/ Sharvani realized what a hate-mongering, insecure jerk she had settled for. With the passage of years, the number of people he hated just kept going up. The only reason Akash had married her was because by not ‘giving in’ on the first date, he had become mystified by her. However, the mystery in his head collided with the humdrum of everyday life and soon tiring of her (especially once she got pregnant), Akash moved on to younger, ‘hotter’ girls. He was the Publishing Director of a different company by then and there was no dearth of women in a system where a man’s desirability is assessed only by his career trajectory. The few times she tried to talk led to violence, so she stopped. He did all the talking till the day he died at the age of 85. She stayed on though, for their son – that’s what she told herself. She stayed on because she didn’t have a life beyond the men, bringing up her son to be everything his father was not.    

*

PINEAPPLE: They had an average night. Akash was too excited and Sugar too drunk. Neither had a condom, so Sugar insisted they only make out. He found out the morning after that her name was Sharvani. After about three months of dating and addressing a few intimacy issues on both sides, they got married. Veena’s project was so successful that she leveraged it to get an MD’s position in a different company. Akash got promoted.

Sugar/ Sharvani realized what a hate-mongering, insecure jerk she had married and asked him for a divorce a year after the wedding. She got an abortion and moved back with her parents and lived happily ever after.

*

CHOCOLATE: That night in Sugar’s house, Akash started caressing her and realized Sugar had a penis. Incensed, he started raging at her, calling her a deviant, a cheat, a jerk. Sugar flashed an angry look at him and told him that he was the jerk. That he had only gone by her face and not bothered to read her profile on Fumble, which categorically said that she was transitioning. That he thought everyone was a jerk because he himself was one and then she threw him out. They never met again but every time Akash got super drunk with Diven, he always talked about Sugar.

*

DARK CHOCOLATE: That night in Sugar’s house, Akash started caressing her and realized Sugar had a penis. Incensed, he started raging at her, calling her a deviant, a cheat, a jerk. Sugar flashed an angry look at him and told him that he was the jerk. That he had only gone by her face and not bothered to read her profile on Fumble, which categorically said that she was transitioning.  

Akash returned a week later, apologized to Sugar and told her that he realized his fault and begged her to take him back. After another week of begging and pleading, she took him back. His father threw a hissy fit and disinherited him. Because of the stress, Akash couldn’t complete the project and Veena got him thrown out. Sugar who was a fashion designer, supported him through this time and when Akash found a job the next year, he asked her to move in. Diven made it a point to be their support system.

*

BANANA SPLIT: That night when Akash entered Sugar’s house, he started undressing hurriedly.

‘Not so fast, hon, you’ll ruin the fun.’

He looked up from his unbuckling belt. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘Let’s have a drink, play some music.’

He let out a shy laugh and sat on her sofa, while she got two glasses of wine. Eager to get started, he gulped the drink down in one go. He looked at her and saw that she was holding a knife. Layers and layers of dried blood had turned the blade brown.

‘Wha…what is this?’

She let out a maniacal laugh. ‘You really thought someone as hot as me would want someone like you?’

‘What do you wa…want from m…me?’

She slid open a cupboard in the drawing room. The sight of all her bloodied trophies made him feel faint. But Akash also realized that he had been roofied.

‘Wh…yyy?’ Is all he could muster as his head started spinning.

‘Because that’s what jerks like you deserve.’ She cackled and got to work.

Bits and pieces of Akash’s bloody body were found in a garbage heap in Noida two months later when the police realized there was a serial killer in the city and started nosing around. 

*

Rum- Soaked in Cherry Cola- That night in Sugar’s house, Akash started caressing her and encountered something metallic. On asking Sugar about it, she cackled and told him that she was actually an alien from another planet trapped on earth, a monster like him. While he preyed on people’s emotions and self-esteem to stroke his fragile ego, she preyed on their blood for sustenance. Her arms turned into tentacles to trap him while her teeth turned into razor-sharp puckers that dug into his neck and started sucking his blood.

Akash’s body was found outside his office the next morning. Sugar had dropped it there because that was the only address of his she knew. It was chalky, bloodless white. The police couldn’t the solve the mysterious case and closed the file six months later. Akash’s parents kept petitioning but the case was never solved.  

x—x—x

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